Time Has Come Today

This morning, due to my my Washington State driver's license having expired some years ago, attempted & failed the driving test for my Nevada license (who knew that good parallel parking was indication of one's ability to send a massive pieces of metal & plastic careening down a path & stopping it without hitting anything?), I came home with cousin Cassandra in tow (it's her car, after all).

We had begun discussing the main subject of my recent Had They Only Consulted With Me First blahg entry entitled Time. In the midst of explaining what I had attempted to impart in that entry, it dawned on me that I have been horribly negligent -- even wasteful -- of what talent I may possess.

There I was, stopping in mid-sentence, realizing where I've gone wrong all this time. Sometimes what I write is entertaining, occasionally educational, but mostly, only of interest to myself. My writing is scattered, my points concerning the corruption of politicians, the greed of corporations, the stupidity of entirely too many petty tyrants, is nothing more than frustration being vented for all to see.

What I should be concentrating on is what's needed most, what too many overlook. It all comes down to one paragraph in the Time post. The first line is:

Is it not time we stop thinking about what others have, or have done?

We're all -- particularly now at war -- concerned with what has been done to us. Can't we just let go of the violation against us? Can we not, in the time we may have left, make a shift -- a leap -- into a new way of thinking? Can we not become a greater example than that of the power hungry America by dropping all pretenses, breaking free of the taking from others & claiming innocence when retaliated against?

I'm no historian or genius, but has history taught us nothing? Do we, as a people, really want to perpetuate the mistakes of people & cultures of the past? I believe that we -- that's all of us occupying this planet -- really are capable of taking the next step, to evolve beyond our current state. But we must let go the resentment, the fear, the desire to take advantage of others.

Additionally, the previous line in Time:

Is it not time we all start living with our planet -- the very thing which sustains us?

Who among us doesn't get it? Who cannot admit that chemicals, pollution & disregard are not just making us uncomfortable, but are killing the planet on which we live? We, in turn, are only killing ourselves.

The realization I mention above consists of this. I think there are only one thing left worth fighting for, & they can both be expressed in two words: Our future. If we continue as we always have, there will be no future for any of us.

We must now -- not tomorrow or next week -- now, we must all begin respecting each other as well as our planet.

Lost

I am mutant.

I know this because I have a brain. I know this because my mind runs entirely counter to the minds of each & every person I meet whether they are intelligent or not. Yes, there are exceptions, but....

Before you go on, let me plague you, my audience (of...three?), with a disclaimer. Below you will find not just a subject, but also some specifics which may appear to be directed at a particular person. I assure you, this is not the case. This subject has been welling up in my psyche, growing, perhaps, out of control, for many years.

That said....

As a man, I freely admit to -- at least -- being influenced by the testosterone running through my veins. I can't help but feel excited either when I see a woman I find attractive, see, hear or read something erotic. I'm not dead.

Maybe it's this Sex In the City mentality women everywhere now have, with all the fantasy trappings involved; maybe it's the unnatural influence the sex industry has on society, the mind-numbing drivel spewing from television & romance novels, the brain dead celebrities telling us what's hot & what's not, the inane popularity of advertising some corporation on our clothing -- for free, & let's not forget that so many believe the lies marketing people & politicians want us to.

In my twenties, when I was just another twenty-something male with raging hormones, sex meant a lot more to me. As with most every other guy getting off was the first thought which had entered my mind when I'd see most anything of a feminine nature. And yeah, I had -- & still do -- a great fondness for a woman in a skirt or dress -- particularly in peasant style.

But now, after years of disappointment, education & realizations I grow ever more weary of so much. I became aware of government corruption during the time of Watergate. From that time forward, there may have been certain aspects of one administration or another, one politician or another, that I have liked, but having seen through the lies we've been told since I was a child, I can't help but be disillusioned.

The lies of marketing people -- the likes of which I know from experience even they are oblivious to -- have continued to dig into the wounds of disappointment I've experienced all my life.

Over these many years since my first kiss -- which I'm sure Jacinda Larson has gratefully forgotten -- I have had the great fortune to have experienced a fair number of women -- in my view, anyway. Each of these women were of vastly different personalities, yet -- even those whom I'd grown to like least -- have taught me incredible things. Things I would never have believed when I was a twenty-something.

In particular, I think the greatest lessons were in what I don't want.

Don't get me wrong. Each of the women for whom I've had any feelings -- requited or otherwise -- had some wonderful qualities (some more than others, of course). Whether lusting after or falling in love with, I remember. I even -- much to their astonishment, I'm sure -- remember the good times, as well as the bad.

So, is there one thing, above all else, I have learned from these relationships & liaisons? Have I been searching for something, a thing which, although allusive, grows into a solid mass of desire?

Oh, yes. I cannot say that it has yet become so defined that I can state what it is in twenty-five words or less, but I am beginning to see it more clearly. It has finally taken form.

Growing up, we are all told what the ideal must be. While this ideal may vary from one person to the next, there are certain aspects akin to each description. There are certain qualities or aspects related to all of them -- & they're not all fairy tales.

Somewhere along the line, I think due to the disappointment which we have all experienced, these qualities have been blurred. Let's face it, few marriages or relationships last. People are looking for things rather than senses. We're looking for money -- a "daddy" figure; we're looking for physical sensations -- not cerebral or emotional; we're looking for someone for now -- not a life time.

Maybe I'm a man out of time, or just old fashioned (read delusional). Sex & things are great, but do I give a damn if this woman or that can get me off? No. I'm much more interested in that sense of looking forward to being in her presence after work, a trip, or whatever. Am I looking for fantasy? Maybe in respect to finding an actual partner -- a woman with intelligence, rather than college degrees -- which we have to admit really don't denote intelligence; or that I seek someone with an artistic nature, rather than economic. By no means do I mean to discount sex, silliness, or even of roll-play. I just see too many looking for the wrong things.

Whatever happened to good times & bad, what happened to thinking of the other first, where are the compromises?

Are we all now doomed to disappointment in love?